Body Blues

Hey Smart Teens,

It’s been over 4 months since I posted and I have to apologise. This year has been one stress after another stress with school and exams. But I’m back! I have the whole of summer to look forward to and this summer, I have a goal and of course, a detailed plan of action to go with it!

The title is Body Blues and that really sums up how I’ve felt about myself for, well a long time really. The first time I felt bad or ashamed or sad or whatever adjective you want to use about my weight was when I was maybe 7 or 8 years old. I had just been on a holiday where as a food loving child, I indulged in ALL the deserts and chocolates and nice things that were offered to me. I distinctly remember the feeling I had stepping on the scales and being completely and utterly shocked at the number. I can’t remember the number but I remember the feeling because it’s one that has followed me ever since. I often wonder if it’s really bad that I felt like that as a child.

However, recently my “body blues” were niggling at me all the time. They just wouldn’t go away. I became neurotic – only eating non processed foods, chewing every bite 30 times and sipping water between each bite. I loved food but hated eating. I exercised until I was fit to collapse and then I’d turn around and study for upwards of 3 hours everyday for exams. It was manic. I cried daily. I was miserable and I hated how I felt and how I looked.

Then I came across Jamie Eason’s Live Fit Trainer from Bodybuilding.com. It’s a 12 week program for weight loss and muscle gain. It fits in nicely so that I’d be finished by the end of summer holidays. I started walking 2 or 3 miles every morning and so far haven’t missed a morning. I also began Pilates and aim to do an hour, 5 days a week. Now I know it sounds pretty hectic but I have loads of time in a day without school, even on days that I’m working I have free time. It was also cleared by a healthcare professional. So my schedule looks like this:

Mon Tues Wed Thurs Fri Sat Sun
Pilates Pilates     Pilates Pilates Pilates
Weights Weights Weights Weights      
Walk Walk Walk Walk Walk Walk Walk

My meals are:

  • Breakfast: Porridge and coffee
  • Lunch: Protein pancakes (Egg whites, banana, oats, nutmeg and cinnamon), vegetables and green tea
  • Dinner: Protein (Chicken or fish usually), vegetables, sweet potato (cut into wedges and sprinkled with paprika) and a piece of fruit.
  • At least 1.5 litres of water

The diet is kind of rigorous but it keeps me focused. I snack as well on fruit, raw vegetables, nuts and seeds throughout the day. I am already feeling better and according to my family, looking better. And guess what? The other day I bought and wore a dress for the first time in over a year! It was an amazing feeling. I’m organising to go out with friends soon when I previously had avoided going out in public because it made me upset.

I don’t believe that weight and how you look defines you. Lots of people might say I look perfectly good the way I am but I don’t feel happy and that’s what’s important. If I can’t feel good in myself then who cares what others say or think? I’d like my body to be leaner and stronger. I’d like to feel better in clothes. I want to be healthier. Quite honestly, I want to get to a point where my life feels balanced. Where I exercise regularly, eat healthily but don’t feel guilty when I indulge, because I LOVE food and I’d like to enjoy it. So this summer I am slowly but surely healing my relationships with food, exercise and my body. Wish me luck!

With love,

Aisling xx

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